


Barriss Alone

by Handsomejaclyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Jedi Fallen Order is more than likely gonna end up contradicting this lol, as canon compliant as I can make it as of Spring 2019, because if anyone deserves one it's Barriss, for the purposes of this fic Barriss is just barely 19 by the time order 66 happens in 19 bby, redemption arc, this will be angsty and sad but progressively get happier and also gayer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-27 12:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18194597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handsomejaclyn/pseuds/Handsomejaclyn
Summary: Order 66 has been executed and the Empire has risen from the ashes of the Republic. Barriss Offee has been imprisoned for the last year, reflecting on her failures. She wants to atone, but to do so she may have to make a deal with a devil. Will she find freedom? Is happiness possible?(Yes and yes. This isn't gonna be 100% depressing, just at first. I promise)





	1. As if Millions of Voices Suddenly Cried Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write a Barriss redemption story for a while now, and I was struck with inspiration recently so here we are! I have a few cool characters and scenarios that I hope you'll like as much as I do. This will be ongoing and I don't know how many chapters it will last, but it will be lengthy. (Yes, the title is a reference to Zuko Alone).

Cold metal. That was just about all Barriss Offee could feel lying within the small cell she’d occupied over the last year.

 

At least, she thinks it’s been a year. It’s difficult to tell time when you’re in solitary at a black site for months, only able to keep track of time by when the guards bring you meals. In the time since the trial, Barriss had concluded one thing: that she deserved this. In her time with the Jedi, she had not made many connections beyond her own master. People were always... difficult to talk to, to befriend. That all changed on Geonosis when she had been paired with Master Skywalker’s Padawan: an overconfident young Togruta named Ahsoka. She quickly became her best friend. Her only friend, and over time, maybe something more than that. It didn’t matter though, not anymore.

 

Barriss could never forgive herself for bombing the temple, but least of all for framing Ahsoka. It had just all been too much, she believed the war and death were too overwhelming for her to do nothing. But, so many lives... lost for what, a political statement? She hadn’t meant to involve her friend, but everything was collapsing. Her plans weren’t holding up to scrutiny, Letta was going to talk. Ahsoka was just in the wrong place at the right time for Barriss to... exploit the trust they shared. Had Skywalker not put the pieces together could she have lived with herself? No. After all, she couldn’t now either.

 

She deserved this.

 

In an instant her scattered thoughts were interrupted with a void of silence, then agonizing pain. She now felt as if she were lost in a sea of the dead and dying, voices crying out in agony. It was enveloping her fully, drowning her in sorrow and death... she began to focus on her breathing, slowly in, gently out. After several minutes she regained her composure. The anguish was muffled but it continued for the next several days, a constant anxiety clawing at the back of her skull. It left her barely able to function even at the level she’d been reduced to in her time in captivity. What was happening, and why?

 

If Barriss knew anything for certain, it was that she probably deserved this pain too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want another good Barriss redemption that doesn't care about compliance to canon, read  
> "The Erosion of the Spirit" by 425599167 https://archiveofourown.org/works/6688336/chapters/15297046


	2. Bargain with a Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's Jason Isaacs

Barriss awoke to the sound of her cell door opening. She sat up to the sight of two clones clad in jet black armor with red markings entering and positioning themselves on either side of her, blasters raised with intent to kill. Behind the troopers, a Pau’an in similar black armor stepped into view. The visitor was tall and pale with red facial markings like many of his kind, but his eyes glowed a dim sickly gold. Her senses were muddled by a darkness suffocating the living force around her, whoever this man was, he was dangerous. Barriss stood from her cot and simply returned eye contact, the man flashed a confident smile in return.

 

“Barriss Offee, Padawan to Master Luminara Unduli. Perpetrator of the bombing of the Jedi Temple hangar. It is a pleasure to meet you, I am the Grand Inquisitor.” This was unexpected.

 

“You’re... pleased to meet me? You’re not here to execute me?”

 

“Well that depends entirely on how this conversation develops.” He smirked, “I am a fan, I must admit. You have been kept unaware of the events transpiring on the outside, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Allow me to catch you up to speed then: the Republic has transformed into the Galactic Empire and the Jedi Order is no more. Our Emperor issued Order 66 to bring a swift end to their treachery. Most of their kind are now either dead or scattered.”

 

The breath left her lungs.

 

“What?” A new government, an Empire? The Jedi were being purged? That was what she had felt only days before, death and suffering on a galactic scale. But it had been only been a week, how could the Jedi fall so quickly? “They’re gone, how- what could kill so many Jedi?”

 

“Ah yes, an astute observation” he chuckled and motioned towards the soldier to his right, “why, the Clones, how else? A fully trained and armed military force admired and trusted by their Jedi handlers, the execution was swift and unforeseen.”

 

“The Clones... killed the Jedi they served under?” Her eyes widened in shock. “This whole time..?”

 

“Ha! Not even to their knowledge. These soldiers are pre-programmed with a number of commands. They were the perfect instruments to complete the Emperor’s plan. I assure you, they will not harm you, not unless I desire them to.”

 

Barris looked to the clone's blaster, it was still aimed at her head. “I was a Jedi, so why are you telling me all of this? Why am I not dead yet?” This man, this Inquisitor, he was a follower of the Dark Side of the force. If the Jedi were really being wiped out, why was she spared?

 

“That, my dear, is another excellent question. I am here representing the Inquisitorius, a newly minted task force consisting of Force Sensitive individuals that will ensure this new Empire will see no harm from any remaining Jedi. I wish to recruit you into our ranks.”

 

“You want me to defend your Empire against the Jedi?”

 

“No, child, you would be hunting them down. Any Jedi left unchecked represents an enormous threat to galactic security. I know you have it in you. After all, the speech you gave at the trial of Padawan Tano is what inspired me to embrace the darkness rather than limit myself.”

 

“You... That wasn’t- I don’t-“ there was the fear, the talons of anxiety clawing at the back of her mind. This was also all her fault then. Breathe, Barriss. She had to remember to breathe.

 

“I was present, of course, among the temple guards that apprehended you. I wasn’t the only one moved by your act of defiance, all Inquisitors were once Jedi and some awakened as I did in response to you. Our Emperor in particular took note of your words, saved you for this purpose rather than execution. Tell me, how would you like to finally be free of this place?”

 

So it must be Palpatine, this so-called Emperor, why would he be doing all this? She was being propositioned to become a Jedi killer. Barriss looked between the Inquisitor and to his escort, but she answered only with silence. The Grand Inquisitor studied her before continuing.

 

“Would an additional incentive help?” He reached down to his belt to retrieve a holo projector, activating it. Barriss gasped. The flickering blue image between them was that of her former friend: Ahsoka Tano. She was now taller than Barriss remembered, clad in armor that looked almost Mandalorian. She looked down to the red text that appeared at the bottom of the projection and her heart sank, she fell back onto her cot.

 

“Killed in action? She’s… dead?”

 

“Hardly, that is only what she would like us to believe. General Skywalker gave Tano unofficial command of clone forces at the Siege of Mandalore. When Order 66 was issued, she and one CT-7567 resisted and escaped. Our forces found a fresh grave a day later marked with 7567's name and her lightsabers lying atop it. We exhumed the burial but did not find any sign of Tano or her accomplice, merely a different clone in his place. Sloppy work, if I do say so myself.”

 

“Thank goodness.” Barriss exhaled at a whisper. Ahsoka was alive. She faked her death and escaped, maybe there was still good in the Galaxy after all. But if the Inquisitor was telling her this, he must want her to do something about it.

 

“It is to my knowledge that Ahsoka Tano is more than just someone you framed for your actions. She was your friend, was she not?” The Grand Inquisitor deactivated the hologram and leaned forward.

 

“Yes. She was my... friend, and I betrayed her.”

 

“Nonsense. You did what was necessary for the good of your Republic, exposed the corruption of the Jedi that lay just beneath the surface. Tano is still out there, and I believe given the resources you would be the perfect person to track her down.” His words came smoothly and with confidence. Was he being genuine? Was he testing her? Both?

 

“Regardless of what I did, Ahsoka means… a great deal to me. I do not wish her death, she’s not a Jedi anymore so why bother?” She almost killed Ahsoka once, she couldn’t do that again…

 

“While excommunicated, Tano is still too dangerous to allow her to continue as a rogue element. She is a high priority target on our list of potential survivors. This is why I come to you: as someone who shares…” he smiled widely and showed off his sharp teeth, “…feelings for this girl, I would allow you to apprehend her and bring her in. If you convince her to join our ranks, then it will be all the better. You could resolve the guilt you feel, Barriss, spare a loved one from the fate other Jedi are doomed to.”

 

“I- I um, I don’t…” she was panicking again, this was too much to process all at once, had the cell started to become smaller somehow?

 

“Relax. I will give you time to think over my generous offer. I shall return in 24 hours to hear your answer, you will have no more time and no less. Good day, Ms. Offee.” The Grand Inquisitor bowed slightly and walked back out of the cell, his clones followed close behind. The door closed, and Barriss was alone again.

 


	3. Decisions, Decisions...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof this one hurt to write. End of chapter edited for tone and clarity on 3/26/19

The Inquisitor’s deadline was drawing closer, and Barriss had yet to make progress on her decision. His visit was brief, but it spilled over with information new to her. The Clone Wars were over thanks to an operation called Order 66 turning the clones against the Jedi, and in their absence a new regime had risen: the Empire. So much had changed on the outside since she was last free, would she even recognize it if she were let out again? Even if the Inquisitor’s deal was tempting, there was obviously more to it than face value. The Inquisitorius was clearly aligned with the dark side of the Force, and the Emperor could only be Palpatine if he was responsible for her sentencing.

 

There was more here she wasn’t seeing, she needed more information, but it was probable that the Emperor engineered the war for the purpose of destroying the Jedi. If the Grand Inquisitor’s words were any indication, Barriss herself had made his job all the easier by dismantling public trust in the Order. This was her fault, and now the dark side had come calling for her directly, asking for her allegiance. Given the atrocity she committed of her own free will, she shouldn’t be surprised. The facade of her incorruptibility shattered in her own bedchamber a year ago, why bother hiding it anymore?

 

_“Funny, those belong to Ventress!” Master Skywalker’s anger flooded the room as he locked blades with Barriss, her very own lightsaber screamed against the red sabers she now held. “You should have gotten rid of them!”_

 

_“I think they suit me!” she returned his attack with a smirk before she was kicked into the hallway._

 

They may as well have belonged to her then, she did use them against her own friend in the very warehouse she led her to. Even while framing Ahsoka there could have been other options, but Barriss _chose_ to attack her friend with violence all the same.

 

_“Ahsoka trusted you, and you betrayed her!” Trust, Skywalker says. Barriss could hardly believe what she was hearing, how he dared to lecture her with his hands stained just as red as hers in the blood of war._

 

_“I’ve learned that trust is overrated, the only thing the Jedi Council believes in is violence!” As if to prove her point, Skywalker ignited his own lightsaber in addition to hers and lunged forward._

 

She remembered her body aching from that fight for several weeks afterward. There was nothing quite like the feeling of being launched into a tree so hard that the wood cracked behind you. Skywalker was right, though, she had betrayed Ahsoka. This is what it always came back to for her, not the council, not Skywalker, not the temple victims or even Letta. It always came back to that one moment: her confession to the court and to her friend.

 

_“Barriss? Is that true?” Ahsoka’s eyes were wide in shock, her words echoed through the courtroom. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She had so much faith in Barriss still, even as it was clear it could have been no other. It was a shame that she was wrong._

 

_“Tell them the truth.” Skywalker’s anger was just barely subdued in this setting. She knew that if he hadn’t needed her alive to exonerate his Padawan, her life would have ended painfully in that temple courtyard. Barriss returned his scowl with one of her own, projecting her rage just as well as his. As her eyes darted from the jury down to her friend, the scowl faded. The look Ahsoka returned was one of confusion, tears had begun to well in her eyes. Barriss was instantly hit with a wave doubt and guilt over what she’d done, but they were her actions she had to own them. She took a breath and stepped forward._

 

_“I did it, because I’ve come to realize what many people in the Republic have come to realize: that the Jedi are the ones responsible for this war! That we’ve so lost our way, that we have become villains in this conflict! That WE are the ones that should be put on trial, all of us! And my attack on the temple was an attack on what the Jedi have become: an army fighting for the dark side, fallen from the light we once held so dear! This Republic is failing! It’s only a matter of time.” The adrenaline had faded, and her gaze returned to Ahsoka. She saw only heartbreak, some of the tears she was forming had escaped. Barriss averted her eyes in shame as the guards took her away._

 

The Clone Wars had been overwhelming for Barriss. She had been right there alongside Master Kolar in the arena on Geonosis when it all began. She was just a Padawan, barely 16 years old at the time, and she was acting as a soldier engaged in the first battle of what would become full scale war. She had never seen someone die before, but that day she saw numerous fellow Jedi - Knights and Padawans alike -perish before her. The months that followed continued this trend, innocent civilians and clones dying. Neither had a choice in being part of this war, the clones were slaves bred and bought for war and the civilians found their homes had become battlefields. Barriss found herself to benefit from freedoms she didn’t deserve, ones that weren’t shared by the people she fought alongside or the people she was supposedly fighting to save. How could she keep being part of this hell across the galaxy? She resolved not to disappoint her Master, however.

 

Luminara Unduli’s expectations for her student were nothing but the best _“you are capable of much more than this, and you know it.”_ That is what she would tell Barris every single time she fell short of what her abilities and discipline supposedly allowed. Master Unduli was always kind, but unchecked emotional attachments were frowned upon. As she was supposed to be a proper Jedi, Barriss needn’t be praised for what was already expected of her (even if that was the world). The second trip she made to Geonosis introduced her to Master Skywalker’s Padawan: Ahsoka Tano. The first she saw of the young Togruta was an argument between Master and Apprentice over something trivial. When Barriss introduced herself with a curtsey, she remembered Ahsoka being momentarily unsure how to respond before smiling and taking her hand. The mission that followed put them both to the test as Jedi, and they may have butted heads once or twice but when death seemed certain they were there for each other.

 

Barely any time later she and Ahsoka continued their friendship aboard a medical frigate, only to be met with an infestation of brain worms controlling the clones. Now she was forced to defend herself against the very same soldiers she’d fought alongside in this war, their camaraderiewas a certainty she’d taken for granted. Before long, her own mind and body were defiled by the parasites. To be trapped within your own body as it is twisted into a weapon by an outside force was a nightmare. She screamed from within at a the creature using her body as a weapon and speaking with her voice as it tried to kill the only friend she’d known. _“Kill me,”_ was all she’d begged Ahsoka as she struggled from within. She survived in the end, but that memory of violation would forever haunt her.

 

In the year or so that followed, she and Ahsoka would serve together in far less disturbing circumstances on several other occasions, and Barriss found herself becoming attached to her close friend in a way she couldn’t express to anyone, especially not her Master. Ahsoka, however, didn’t seem to share her abject horror at what the war was doing to the galaxy and to the Jedi, she didn’t understand. So Barriss kept her feelings secret, hidden away even from their focus. Somewhere along the way she couldn’t bottle it up anymore, the expectations and violence and mixed emotions. She was complicit in all that was happening and she refused to allow her agency to slip away again as it did when the parasite had taken hold, she had to take action.

 

The bombing was to be a statement, to discourage the Jedi from further warmongering when they saw what it was like for violence to reach them in their comfortable home. Look where that statement got her, though: a year in this cell and all her personal ties severed. It was as if no matter how hard she tried, she ruined everything she was a part of and let down everyone who believed in her. Barriss looked down to her body: where there was once muscle mass and strength honed from years of training and fighting, she now saw a frail woman emaciated from her time in captivity. Pathetic. What use did the Empire even expect her to be in this state? Why was she even still here if all she had wrought was for nothing? She may as well just refuse the deal and perish already, she wasn’t doing anyone any favors. That wasn’t truly how she felt though, at least not completely, not for a number of reasons.

 

Barriss had gone back and forth on this issue many times in the past several months, but the conclusion she reached was always the same: she didn’t want to die. Her first thought was that if anything, she wanted to see the sunlight again. Time almost failed to pass in this windowless prison, day and night would blend continuously. It would drive her deeper into depression and shut her down with too many feelings and thoughts for her to process. She couldn’t let herself die without seeing the sun again. The second thought was that she didn’t earn what she believed to be the easy way out after all the pain and suffering she caused. Death was too good for her, it wasn’t a punishment, but living was. Every waking moment she suffered was penance for each life she had taken. Her thoughts would always eventually turn to her faith, or what little of it remained. Her people believe that the Cosmic Force was representative of fate: decisions and actions create ripples in the Force that influence the destiny of both individuals and the universe as a whole. Simply ending her life now could remove a number of possible futures, ending it here could net an even worse outcome for all she knew. If the Force willed her to live through this Order 66, then it might have been for some greater purpose. There was no way to know anything for certain from where she was.

 

Maybe she could make things better, maybe it would be sabotage for the Inquisitorius to even initiate her. Someone so weakened and untrustworthy in their ranks could hinder the progress of their purge. It was small, but it was something. Of course, she could also make everything considerably worse. When she betrayed Ahsoka and fought Skywalker, it had all felt frighteningly good and righteous. In those moments, she had power over her own destiny and actions, damn the consequences. What if she was good at this, at hunting Jedi? In the end what would she become if she chose to take this path? Perhaps if she became an even greater monster, maybe some fugitive Jedi would rightfully end her life then. Decision time was was fast approaching, she’d betrayed everything she once held dear long ago, so what more could she have to lose?

 

* * *

 

The following morning, Barriss was awake when the door shot open. The Grand Inquisitor stepped in on his own, forgoing his clone escort this time. Reaching to his back, he pulled out a lightsaber hilt which he swung down to rest at his side. He made eye contact and asked her for her answer:

 

“So, what is your decision? Will you join our ranks?” No smile yet, just a raise of the brow.

 

“Yes, I shall.” Barriss bowed her head slightly to the tall man before looking up again. The look on his face was one of satisfaction, his lips were curled into a slight grin as he returned his weapon to his back.

 

“Excellent, you may come with me then.” Barriss closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she stood and followed her new employer out of her cell. She heard the door hiss one final time as it closed behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on we get into some genuine movement forward for the plot. Introspection is fun and all, and it will continue here and there, but it's gonna be great to actually have Barriss do things outside a tiny cell.


	4. A New Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Grand Inquisitor leads Barriss to the space where she and her fellow initiates will be staying.

The sun was rising.

 

Barriss could hardly believe what she was seeing from the window on the lift they were taking. Rays of orange light pierced through clouds of thick smoke and bathed everything they touched in a warm embrace. Forget _seeing_ the sunrise again, feeling it on her skin after all this time was the most incredible sensation she’d ever had from something so mundane. Her eyes were still adjusting but she continued gazing out at her surroundings. For being on Coruscant, the building she had been in all these years was curiously distant from most forms of civilization. The sunlight illuminated what looked to be an empty district, only a few factories in the immediate vicinity seemed occupied. It was The Industrial Sector, or “The Works” as dubbed by locals, long abandoned by most corporations that once occupied it. She suspected this place in which she had been kept was a black site, so it made sense that it was situated in such an underpopulated area. It was curious that she was kept imprisoned here seemingly in preparation for recruitment. The Grand Inquisitor seemed readily acclimated into this system, she wondered if others were also already initiated before Order 66.

 

“How many more of us are there?” she turned and looked up to her host, he kept his arms held behind his back and his eyes focused on the door.

 

“There are enough, that is what you shall know for now. You aren’t yet inducted, you still have a task or two to complete first.” He still kept his eyes on the door, calm and indifferent to Barriss’s questioning.

 

“Pardon me then. I thought this meant I was recruited, was I not?” she raised her eyebrows but not her voice.

 

“To an extent, yes. You could consider this part of the extended interview process. I want to be sure of what you are capable of before we make any permanent decisions.” There was a sharp beep and the doors slid open. The Grand Inquisitor walked to his left into a large circular common area. The space was furnished with tables and chairs, couches, a kitchen, and a bar among other luxuries. A viewing window looked out onto the abandoned factories and let the sun light the room. Barriss looked to the rest of her surroundings and could see six grey doors lining the metallic burgundy walls.

 

“This is where you and your fellow initiates will live.” The Grand Inquisitor continued to face away from her as he stepped out into the middle of the common room. “As you can see, working for the good of our Empire offers us amenities that the Jedi would never have provided.” He turned to Barriss to see her reaction in full, “Impressive, is it not?”

 

“I- yes it is. Very remarkable.”

 

He stepped over to the door nearest to the kitchen and removed a small object from his belt, handing it to Barriss. “Take this code cylinder, it shall give you access Imperial systems within your clearance level. For now, that means it will simply serve as akey to your quarters.” He opened the door for her, stepping to the side and turning back towards the lift. “You have yet another day to recuperate before I brief you and the other new initiates tomorrow. For now, I would suggest you reap your new benefits. Our droids can deliver a variety of foods to you that outshine the drivel you’ve been given in your prison below. I would also recommend freshening up, you are in desperate need of it.” He walked back to the lift and disappeared behind the sliding door.

 

Barriss looked into her new living space and she was astonished. The room was small, but larger than her chamber at the Jedi Temple. It had a reasonably sized bed with a storage closet and a terminal on a desk situated by the window. Most notable to her was probably the personal refresher behind a door near the back. This was quite comfortable, if not luxurious compared to what she had been taught to be used to. The door closed and she locked it behind her as she walked over and took a seat on her new bed. It was more comfortable than anything she’d ever slept on. Maybe she could make this work, at the very least she might get a good night’s sleep. She stood from the bed and disrobed, letting her prison uniform and underwear fall and crumple on the floor. She would clean it up later. Barriss inhaled and started making her way the the refresher. The light flickered on above her as she stepped in and turned to the mirror, gripping the edges of the sink. She hardly recognized her reflection.

 

Looking back at her was the image of a young woman whose yellow-green skin had become paler, dark circles had formed under her deep blue eyes. Her black hair was now glossy and had grown to her shoulders, unwashed and tangled. She looked down to her torso to see the outline of her ribs pronounced underneath her breasts, her arms had also lost their muscle definition. She looked back to her face, reaching up to brush her fingers over the tattoos across her nose. The backs of her hands also bore the diamond pattern, She had earned them as a sign of her going into adulthood, a coming of age. They signaled that she was ready for greater responsibilities, that leadership wasn’t far off. That, of course felt like a cosmic joke after all she had done, surely the will of the Force did not look kindly upon her anymore.

 

Barriss stood back from the mirror and sighed as her eyes began to sting, she turned to the shower and stepped in. The pattering of water falling from above helped to mask her tears and the sound of her shaky sobs.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, Barriss emerged from the refresher to hear muffled voices coming from the common area outside her door. She toweled off and looked to her prison jumpsuit. It was wrinkled and it smelled, she had to see if there was anything in this room that she could wear. She opened the closet to see a reasonable assortment of clothing, all in dark grays or blacks. Well, she was never one for brighter tones anyway.

 

Underclothes taken care of, she selected a charcoal floor length dress, its tight sleeves hooked around her middle fingers. She stepped into a pair of boots before grabbing a black scarf and draping it over her head and across her shoulder. Barriss returned to the mirror in the refresher to get one more look at herself. Though she covered most of it, her hair looked much healthier after her shower, the rest of her was only marginally better. Getting rid of the paler complexion and dark circles would take more time, as would regaining her lost weight and muscle. Despite it all, though, Barriss actually recognized herself looking back in the mirror this time.

 

She walked over to the door and took a deep breath, exhaling as she opened it to meet her fellow initiates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little shorter this time, but ch 5 will probably be longer because I'll be introducing like a half dozen characters


End file.
